“Sacrifice is so essential to your thought system that salvation apart from sacrifice means nothing to you. Your confusion of sacrifice and love is so profound that you cannot conceive of love without sacrifice. And it is this you must look upon; sacrifice is attack, not love. If you would accept but this one idea, your fear of love would vanish. Guilt cannot last when the idea of sacrifice has been removed. For if there is sacrifice, someone must pay and someone must get. And the only question that remains is how much is the price, and for getting what.” T:15:X:5:7-13 (emphasis added)

“Each form [the ego takes] will be recognized as but a cover for the one idea that hides behind them all; that love demands sacrifice, and is therefore inseparable from attack and fear. And that guilt is the price of love, which must be paid by fear.” T:15:X:6:7-8

“How fearful, then, has Goddess become to you, and how great a sacrifice do you believe Her Love demands! For total love would demand total sacrifice. And so the ego seems to demand less of you than Goddess, and of the two is judged as the lesser of two evils, one to be feared a little, perhaps, but the other to be destroyed.” T:15:X:7: 1-3

“Salvation is simple, being of Goddess, and therefore very easy to understand. Do not try to project it from you and see it outside yourself. In you are both the questions and the answer; the demand for sacrifice and the peace of Goddess.” T:15:X:9:6-8

“The sign of Christmas is a star, a light in darkness. See it not outside yourself, but shining in the Heaven within, and accept it as the sign the time of Christ has come. She comes demanding nothing. No sacrifice of any kind, of anyone, is asked by Her.” T:15:XI:2:1-4

“You who believe that sacrifice is love must learn that sacrifice is separation from love. For sacrifice brings guilt as surely as love brings peace. Guilt is the condition of sacrifice, as peace is the condition of the awareness of your relationship with Goddess.” T:15:XI:4:1-3

“As long as you perceive the body as your reality, so long will you perceive yourself as lonely and deprived. And so long will you also perceive yourself as a victim of sacrifice, justified in sacrificing others…. [W]ho could suffer sacrifice and loss without attempting to restore herself? Yet how could you accomplish this yourself, when the basis of your attempts is the belief in the reality of the deprivation? Deprivation breeds attack, being the belief that attack is justified. And as long as you would retain the deprivation, attack becomes salvation and sacrifice becomes love.” T:15:XI:5:1-2, 4-7

“So it is that, in all your seeking for love, you seek for sacrifice and find it. Yet you find not love. It is impossible to deny what love is and still recognize it.” T:15:XI:6:1-3

“In the holy instant the condition of love is met, for minds are joined without the body’s interference, and where there is communication there is peace. The Prince of Peace was born to re-establish the condition of love by teaching that communication remains unbroken even if the body is destroyed…. And if you understand this lesson, you will realize that to sacrifice the body is to sacrifice nothing, and communication, which must be of the mind, cannot be sacrifice. Where, then, is sacrifice? The lesson I was born to teach, and still would teach to all my sisters, is that sacrifice is nowhere and love is everywhere. For communication embraces everything, and in the peace it re-establishes, love comes of itself.” T:15:XI:7:1-6

“Let no despair darken the joy of Christmas, for the time of Christ is meaningless apart from joy. Let us join in celebrating peace by demanding no sacrifice of anyone, for so you offer me the love I offer you. What can be more joyous than to perceive we are deprived of nothing? Such is the message of the time of Christ…. For in the time of Christ communication is restored, and She joins us in the celebration of His Daughter’s creation.” _Id._:8:5

“This is the time in which a new year will soon be born from the time of Christ. I have perfect faith in you to do all that you would accomplish. Nothing will be lacking, and you will make complete and not destroy…. So will the year begin in joy and freedom. There is much to do, and we have been long delayed. Accept the holy instant as this year is born, and take your place, so long left unfulfilled, in the Great Awakening. Make this year different by making it all the same. And let all your relationships be made holy for you. This is our will. Amen.” T:15:XI:10:1-3, 8-14

My favorite reminder of that truth comes from the Workbook for Students. Between Lessons 310 and 311, there is a short section titled “What is the Last Judgment?” Like many others, I feared God’s judgment (the use of “God,” instead of “Goddess” here is intentional, since it was a male God that I feared), because I knew, in the deepest, darkest part of my being, that I would be found wanting, that if anyone knew who I really was, they wouldn’t – indeed, couldn’t – love me, and it was love – and acceptance – that I so desperately sought to heal my heart. So, to read that this is “Goddess’ Final Judgment,” and, slowly, over the course of many days, weeks, months, even years, spent meditating on each phrase, begin to believe it, was – and still is – a profound revelation:

I am still Her holy Daughter, forever innocent, forever loving and forever loved, as limitless as my Creator, completely changeless and forever pure.*

I have begun to remember these truths over the last month or so as, out of pure desperation over the pain, fear and depression I have felt for so long, I have returned to daily study of the Course, combined with prayer, meditation and kirtan (singing the names of Goddess – more on that in another post). The peace that the Course brought me in the past began to return when I affirmed, to myself, my friends and the world, that “My goal is peace,” and to remind myself of that goal as I move through each day. Since then, my life has been transformed. After two dysfunctional living situations, I am now living with a dear friend in a beautiful home in the pines in Prescott where I feel safe and loved; indeed, where I feel home after just two short weeks. And, for the first time in years, I feel empowered to work, instead of blocked by procrastination, fear and shame.

So, thank you, Goddess, for guiding me back to the truth of who I am. And thanks to my new, loving friend, Khailitha, whose kind comments about my blogs this morning, brought me back here, inspired to write again about who I am and what I know to be the truth.

* I realize that these words are slightly changed from the original, but this is the way the words have come to me and proven most useful. For me, the Course works best when I personalize – when I internalize – the lessons it teaches.

Before his death, the Baal Shem encouraged his students to find a new mentor. “How will we know who the right one is,” they asked him. “Ask the prospective teacher what you should do to deal with your egos. If he gives you tips on how to overcome your egos, leave him immediately. However, if he tells you that the only advice he can give you is to turn yourselves over to God, then you should take him as your teacher.”

This was the comment I left her:

Trying to overcome that which does not exist only reinforces the insanity of the illusion. We make the ego out of our fears; the ego disappears when we remind ourselves that we are the holy Children of Goddess. As Her Children, we already have and are everything because Goddess creates only like Herself. Thus, when the ego starts to rear her ugly head, ask yourself, “Has Goddess Herself changed her mind about me?” Then live your life in the knowledge of who, and what, you really are — Love, unconditional, unlimited Love.

There must be always remaining in every life some place for the singing of angels, some place for that which in itself is breathless and beautiful. -Howard Thurman

It immediately reminded of this passage from A Course in Miracles, which I want to share with you here:

Listen, –perhaps you catch a hint of an ancient state not quite forgotten; dim, perhaps, and yet not altogether unfamiliar, like a song whose name is long forgotten; and the circumstances in which you heard [it] completely unremembered. Not the whole song has stayed with you, but just a little wisp of melody, attached not to a person or a place or anything particular. But you remember, from just this little part, how lovely was the song, how wonderful the setting where you heard it, and how you loved those who were there and listened with you.

The notes are nothing. Yet you have kept them with you, not for themselves, but as a soft reminder of what would make you weep if you remembered how dear it was to you. You could remember, yet you are afraid, believing you would lose the world you learned since then. And yet you know that nothing in the world you learned is half so dear as this. Listen, and see if you remember an ancient song you knew so long ago and held more dear than any melody you taught yourself to cherish since.

Beyond the body, beyond the sun and stars, past everything you see and yet somehow familiar, is an arc of golden light that stretches as you look into a great and shining circle. And all the circle fills with light before your eyes. The edges of the circle disappear, and what is in it is no longer contained at all. The light expands and covers everything, extending to infinity forever shining and with no break or limit anywhere. Within it everything is joined in perfect continuity. Nor is it possible to imagine that anything could be outside, for there is nowhere that this light is not.

This is the vision of the Daughter of Goddess, whom you know well. Here is the sight of her who knows her Mother. Here is the memory of what you are; a part of this, with all of it within, and joined to all as surely as all is joined in you. Accept the vision that can show you this, and not the body. You know the ancient song, and know it well. Nothing will ever be as dear to you as is this ancient hymn the Daughter of Goddess sings to her Mother still.

And now the blind can see, for that same song they sing in honor of their Creator gives praise to them as well. The blindness that they made will not withstand the memory of this song. And they will look upon the vision of the Daughter of Goddess, remembering who she is they sing of. What is a miracle but this remembering? And who is there in whom this memory lies not? The light in one awakens it in all. And when you see it in your sister, you are remembering for everyone.

(T:21:I:6-10.)  Song and singing have become a vital part of my life and my spiritual practice, whether I am singing only in my thoughts, aloud in the car as I drive along or in gatherings in churches and other places where people go to be reminded of the truth of who they are.

Thank you, Goddess, for the gift of song.

When we start to meditate or to work with any kind of spiritual discipline, we often think that somehow we’re going to improve, which is a subtle aggression against who we really are. . . .  But loving-kindness — maitri — toward ourselves doesn’t mean getting rid of anything.  Maitri means that we can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness.  Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better.  It’s about befriending who we are already.

Comfortable with Uncertainty, p. 11 (emphasis added).  Befriending who we really are!  What a miracle to realize that, as I read in the Course this morning, absolutely nothing about me needs to change for me to be worthy of Goddess’ love, to be worthy of the love of another, to actually deserve a place in this world.  What a miracle to love myself without the burden of my past hanging over me.  I cried when I first read, “Goddess Herself is incomplete without me.”  (T:9:VIII:8:2)  Never before had I believed that I could be so worthy.  What healing has come from those words!  Thank you, Goddess, for your unending Love and all that you have taught me.

Namaste

Your worth is not established by teaching or learning.  Your worth is established by Goddess. . . .  [N]othing you do or think or wish or make is necessary to establish your worth.  (T:4:I:7:1-2, 6)

When you are afraid, be still and know that Goddess is real, and you are Her beloved Daughter in whom She is well pleased.  (T:4:I:8:6)

Goddess is not the author of fear.  You are.  (T:4:I:9:1-2)

Each of these statements carry great meaning for me and have helped me throughout my years of study to let go of fear and shame and live as the loving child of Goddess that I am.

Namaste.

The Sun in Drag

You are the Sun in Drag.

You are God[dess] hiding from yourself.

Remove all the “mine” – that is the veil.

Why ever worry about

Anything?

Listen to what your friend Hafiz

Knows for certain:

The appearance of this world is a Magi’s brilliant trick, though its affairs are

Nothing into nothing.

You are a divine elephant with amnesia

Trying to live in an ant

Hole.

Sweetheart, O sweetheart

You are God[dess] in

Drag!

– The Gift: Poems by Hafiz, The Great Sufi Master, Translations by Daniel Landinsky, p. 252

**********************

Free Telephone Seminar

Finding your true voice: Writing as a tool for spiritual growth.

Wednesday, February 11th, 3pm Eastern (2pm Central, 12pm Pacific). To register, send an email to timetoteachacim@gmail.com with Subject: teleseminar

Message from Bastiaan:

My name is Bastiaan Berende and my goal is to help you find your true voice through practicing and teaching A Course in Miracles.

I invite you to participate in a Time to Teach A Course in Miracles Teleseminar. It will be a unique event.
I want to inspire you to use writing as a teaching tool or as Lisa Natoli puts it as a tool for spiritual growth.

My native language is Dutch and I regard English as my second language. I have written lyrics for songs and I have written some poetry. When my life got complicated I began writing my thoughts down in notepads. Since then writing has been instrumental to my awakening. A couple of years after I found the Course, I moved to the US. I have lived there for ten years now and I have written articles for a couple of newsletters. I always write for myself as I reflect on my thoughts, expose my grievances and plan and communicate my projects. I have started to write essays about the stages of my awakening last year. These essays will soon be published in a book. This is when I began reading books on writing and it has given me some valuable insights I would like to share with you now.
What I learned is that:

Writing helps me to organize my thoughts and to learn lessons from the past. Writing makes things stand still and makes me appreciate my encounters and relationships with other people.

Writing grants me a deeper understanding of who I am and why I am here as I turns my attention from the meaningless outside to the meaningful within.

Writing heightens my awareness and steers me away from destruction. Writing urges me to admit when I have gone insane and when to ask God for help and forgiveness. Writing exposes my hidden thoughts and helps them to heal.

Writing can inspire and guide others and witness to the miracles in my life. Writing makes room for grace and gratitude and helps to see things for what they are, simple and clear.

With these last thoughts in mind I want to introduce you to Lisa Natoli from Gorgeous for God. Lisa will be the guest speaker/teacher for this event. I am excited and honored to have her on this call with me. She displays an amazing clarity and character in her writing. She has the gift of telling you exactly how it is. She is an inspiring teacher not only through the written word, but she speaks with absolute certainty of her understanding of A Course in Miracles. She demonstrates how to live a life of uncompromising commitment to the truth. Here she is.

Guest speaker

Lisa Natoli is the author of the best-selling book Gorgeous for God, which is based on the principles of A Course in Miracles. She has been writing daily for over 35 years on anywhere she can think of to express an idea: cocktail napkins, paper journals, postcards, blogs, notebooks, letters, greeting cards, chat rooms, email, and facebook.

Lisa will teach us:
• How to use writing as a tool for spiritual growth.
• How daily writing is a great practice for overcoming fear and doubt.
• How writing can help you recognize unwanted habits to allow them to be transformed.
• How to find your true voice.
• How writing about every day events can make you become more honest and a better communicator.
• How writing forces you to look for beauty in the mundane.
• How writing can be a great excavating tool for bringing up old fear, desires, wishes, goals that have been buried, dormant, and unrecognized.
• How writing can help you become more conscious and aware.
• How writing can help you emerge from your old limiting beliefs.

To register for the teleseminar send an email to timetoteachacim@gmail.com with Subject: teleseminar
You may forward this message to all your friends and contacts.

I look forward to having you on this call on Wednesday February 11th at 3pm Eastern (2pm Central, 12pm Pacific).
Within one or two days you will receive a reply with the phone number and pin code you need to dial in to the teleseminar.

Love Bastiaan Berende
Time to Teach A Course in Miracles

http://www.timetoteachacim.com

Thank you, Goddess, for bringing this gift into my life.

P.S.  Although I returned to the Wildflower Bread Company for lunch after church this last Sunday, I didn’t see Julie and she hasn’t called me.  I’m not worried.  I trust that Spirit will cause our paths to cross again if it is meant to be.

Several months ago, one of the other women in the Course in Miracles study group I go to on Thursday mornings loaned me a copy of The Shack by William P. Young. Several others in our group had already read it and said the message it conveys is very much in keeping with the teachings of the Course. A few days later, I began reading it and was quickly overwhelmed and in tears by the tragic events with which the story begins. For a few more days, I read a few pages every night before going to sleep. I only made it about half way through, however, when I got bogged down by the stress in my life. Thus, for next 3 or 4 months, The Shack sat on my bedside table, reminding me of its presence but never inspiring me to read much more than a page or two before setting it aside. This morning, though, the thought of sitting in a genial coffeehouse, having a good lunch and reading The Shack sounded perfect. So, I picked up The Shack, put it in my purse and headed out.

I love the Wildflower Bread Company. Although it’s a chain, the food is always wonderful and the environment warm and welcoming, so that’s where I headed. After I got my soup (a wonderful Italian Pepper soup with flavorful bits of sausage served in a bowl of crusty, sourdough bread), I found a table and began to enjoy my soup and my reading. When I finished my soup (and a good part of the bread bowl), I wasn’t ready to leave that comfortable place, so I found a chair next to the fireplace and relaxed into the warmth of the fire, my tea and my reading.

Today, The Shack was speaking to me of the eternal truths I have learned from studying the Course. I savored every word, as I followed along with Mack and his conversations with God. In front of me, there was a low table scattered with sections of the Sunday paper, and several times I was visited by people looking for something of their own to read. After I had read for 15 or 20 minutes, a nicely dressed woman sat down on the hearth next to me, apparently to find a section of the newspaper herself. However, instead of sorting through the papers, she asked me what I was reading. When I told her The Shack, she said she had read it and had enjoyed some of it. It was clear, however, that she hadn’t been inspired by it, as I was feeling. Now, I rarely talk about A Course in Miracles with complete strangers. Today, however, I told her that The Shack teaches many of the same lessons as the Course. She hadn’t heard of the Course before and had many questions. We talked for 20 minutes or more, with her young daughter eventually joining us and seemingly as interested in our conversation, as we were. My new friend (as we were parting, she told me her name was Julie) also told me about her own beliefs, describing herself as a “born-again Christian.” When she asked if I believe in Jesus, she seemed startled, but not put off, when I told her “no.” It didn’t take me long to see that Julie is a very loving woman and that, other than her beliefs in sin, the Crucifixion and the coming “rapture” when only “believers” will ascend to Heaven, I felt a kinship with her. Best of all, she didn’t try to persuade me to believe as she does. Instead, she seemed genuinely interested in the new ideas I was sharing with her.

In November, I presented an introduction to A Course in Miracles to the Women of Unity group at church. It was clearly the right thing to do, since, in the weeks leading up to my presentation, several women told me they had heard that I attended the Course study group at the church, and wanted to learn more but, due work or other conflicts, couldn’t attend on Thursday mornings. In response, I told each of these women about the introduction I was going to present to Women of Unity and invited them to attend. I also told them that I was thinking of starting an evening study group. Eventually, the time for my presentation arrived. I didn’t plan out a structured program, instead trusting in Spirit to inspire my words. I began by telling the 6-8 women there how I came to study the Course and how it had helped transform my life. By the time we finished our conversation an hour later, I was feeling very connected to God and to the others there. Apparently, they felt it as well, since nearly all of them said they were interested in an evening study group. Having learned how to follow when it’s clear I’m being led, I passed around a sign-up sheep and promised to let them know when the group was going to start.

That was in mid-November. Most mornings since, I would tell myself that today is the day that I will send out an email and commit to starting the group, but I’ve felt that something was holding me back . Today, however, as I sat and talked to Julie, I knew that it was finally time. So, I told Julie that I planned to start a Course study group, gave her my card and invited her to attend.

I don’t have any business cards per se. Instead, I carry cards that identify me as the President of QsquaredYouth, “an LGBTQ youth group.” I’m not shy about people knowing that I am transgender and a lesbian. As I handed Julie my card, however, I did wonder how she will react when she gets home, studies my card more thoroughly and, perhaps, even visits QsquaredYouth’s website. If learning that I am part of a nonprofit agency set up to support LGBTQ youth, and may, in fact, be one of “them” myself, puts her off, then our friendship wasn’t meant to be. Somehow, though, I don’t think today was the last conversation I will have with Julie, at least, I hope not.

All of this, then, is simply a very long way of explaining why today I feel inspired and will be sending out an email announcing the start of a new Course study group here in my home. This is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time and today, clearly, is the right day to begin. The fact that today is the beginning of the celebrations leading up to the dawning of a new era with the inauguration of Barack Obama also tells me that today is a day for new beginnings.

May the Goddess of Love and Hope shine her light on you this day and always.

(If you’re interested in a Course in Miracles study group on Tuesday evenings in Prescott, Arizona, feel free to contact me at abbyj [at] cableone.net.)